Saturday, April 11, 2015

Love is 3:00 AM

If you watch romantic movies, you will see a certain kind of love. A kind of love that I knew for many years. It is the joy that is counterpoint to the pain of loss. You know that you love someone because of the pain when they are gone. That is a form of love, but it is also similar to addiction.

Since becoming a father, I have become intimately aware of a new kind of love. Not one based on my need to avoid loss, not one based on attraction, but love that comes of knowing that everything that I will ever do for the rest of my life will be for her.

Amy has been taking care of the Koalid at night for a few weeks now. The Koalid sleeps through the night, if you define the night as 8:30 PM to 3:00 AM. At 3:00 AM, the Koalid has woken up and so has Amy. The Koalid gets back to sleep, Amy does not.

This morning at 3:00, I got up with the Koalid. I changed her, fed her, cuddled with her and watched her fall back asleep. By 4:30, I knew that no more sleep was for me, and I took her to the living room. I fed her a bit more, and then she fell asleep in my arms as I watched Daredevil on Netflix until 6:00 AM as I write this.

If you asked me to get up at 3:00 AM before a full day of work for most other reasons, I would be upset. But for the Koalid, I would get up at 3:00 AM every day if that is what she needed. (Although hopefully Amy and I can switch off.)

Everything I know, everything I have, everything I do, is for this beautiful child so that she may grow to be happy and healthy and successful. If nothing else, the Koalid should never doubt that she is loved very much, not only by her sleepy father, but by many many others who care about her.